What a Controlling Spouse
Won't Tell You

The Abusive Marriage
Recognizing Signs of an Abusive Man



Sometimes it’s hard to know when we are married to a controlling spouse. The signs of the abusive man aren’t really that clear because we’ve been around it for so long it just seems to be normal. Once you see the truth about your abusive marriage, it will help you make better decisions for yourself.

Ask yourself these questions. See if any of these signs of a controlling spouse sound familiar to you.

  • Is your husband charming, handsome and convincing? Good looking and kind on the outside but always has motives for everything he does.
  • Does your spouse charm his way into a situation?
  • When you get into a group of people do they only see your controlling spouses’ charming side but have no idea about the cruelty that goes on at home?
  • When you want to go to therapy does the controlling spouse say you are the problem and you need help not him?
  • A controlling spouse will say they are the only ones right, their words and ways are the truth or law. Do you see that?
  • When confronted do they manipulate the situation so others feel sorry or retract their comments? And even apologize for “thinking such a thought?”
  • Is your spouse intimidated by strong controlling women?
  • Does your spouse live in fear of being caught?
  • Is he narcissistic and believes he deserves special treatment and won’t accept anything they do is wrong?
  • Does he believe he is better than everyone else?
  • Only has people around him that adore and “worship” him?
  • Rationalizes their behavior?
  • Resorts to abuse when they are not believed or heard?
  • Rules don’t apply to them.
  • Uses depression, suicide, hurt feelings when other manipulative ways don’t work?
  • Overly needy?
  • Blames others for not getting their need met.
  • Uses guilt trips or anger to diffuse a situation


In her book, Charmers & Con Artists & Their Flip Side, author Sandra Scott She uses the terms Charmer and Con Artist in reference to controlling man and abusive marriage warns the victims that: “The con artist can rob you of your time, energy and money. The Charmer can rob you of your youth, your integrity, your self-esteem, your very soul. The con artist robs and leaves you sadder but wiser. The Charmer rapes your spirit and drags you with him into his own personal hell.”

This quote is devastating. It breaks my heart to know anyone could hurt someone that seriously, but unfortunately spouses and significant others do and it’s important that you take a stand for yourself and choose to walk in a life where you are valued and treated with love and respect.

Do you want to share your story with us? We would love to encourage you and pray for you. We have a domestic violence support group that cares about you and the hurt you are going through. If you are in need of encouragement or just to vent,

come join us!

For more articles on Signs of an Abusive Man and understanding Abusive Marriages please see:

The Abused Wife

What Abused Wives Should Know

Women Abused in Public

What Abusive Men Won't Tell You

The Truth About Abusive Personality

How Abusive Words Destroy the Soul

Are You Being Abused? Questions that Reveal the Truth

Thinking of Leaving Your Abuser? Get Help Here

How to Survive Emotionally Abusive Relationships

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