Needing to Emotionally Detach from the Effects of My Daughter's DV

by Sharron
(Canada)

My daughter left her abusive husband after 5 years where I was basically estranged from her. She came sobbing back into my life, almost died from passing out and no longer breathing, having eating disorders, abused on every possible level, was suicidal and now has dived into another serious relationship with no space in between.

I am dealing with my horror of the past, especially the horrific sexual abuse she endured, the present rage and anger I feel towards her abuser because he refuses to leave the house and is delaying the sale of it, and fear and worry and anxiety about the future with this new man in her life.

I've gone back to Al-Anon after and 8 year absence which helps. I am trying to live one day at a time and replace all my negative thoughts with positive ones.

I am so grateful she left the abuser, that she didn't get pregnant after trying for 2 years (he is impotent, thank God), she has a full time job, the new man in her life appears kind and loving but I don't trust appearances anymore at all.

I've got to Let Go and Let God deal with this. I can't control her, I didn't cause this and I can't cure this situation. My own marriage has been put under huge stress because of all this. My husband is not supportive and doesn't understand me at all.

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Divine Momentum
by: Sharron

Hi Everyone: Well my daughter has finally decided to take action and get her abusive husband who has been living rent free in their home while she has paid the mortgage because all the debt is in her name, go figure, evicted from the home. Does anyone know what the procedure is in doing this? The abuser doesn't have a lawyer. He hasn't read any letters the lawyer has sent to him by registered mail. He is trashing the house while my daughter is trying to get it sold. Will this situation be drawn out for months on end? I am so very grateful that there are no children involved in this nightmare. I pray that my daughter doesn't have to pay this abuser alimony. He has never worked full time till she left. She worked all the time. She is up to her eyeballs in debt just trying to survive. We have already paid thousands for the wedding and she got all the money we had invested for her future when she got married. My mother paid the down payment for the house. I am grateful she is alive. She almost died, had an eating disorder, wanted to cut herself, and was assaulted and abused on every level. Every time I talk to her on the phone more of the horror story comes out. I hate this abuser with a passion and am praying to hand him over to God and let go of my anger and rage towards him. No small feat. Thank you for any feedback you may have. I appreciate it so very much. Sharron

Thank you for your feedback
by: Sharron

Thank you Kelly for your kind support and prayers. I am overflowing with grief triggers right now. My sister's one year death anniversary just passed.

My father's first birthday in heaven is this week, he died in July. My best friend, my adopted mom's first birthday in heaven is also this week, she died in August.

My daughter is spending Easter with her boyfriend at my mother's condo. I feel like I'm a distant relative while my mother is taking on the role of mother to my daughter.

It's very complicated. I'm detaching emotionally by waiting till my daughter contacts us and I let my husband deal with the phone calls. My daughter has made it clear she doesn't want me asking personal questions.

She knows how I feel about her living with her boyfriend. She is still very much attached to her abuser and not ready to evict him from their home which he is trashing making it unavailable for selling while my daughter is paying the mortgage.

I can't say a word, other than I love you and am praying for you. My heart is broken and I feel like David in Psalm 31, like a broken dish but God is faithful and I keep repeating the slogan as a mantra, This Too Shall Pass. God bless and thank you. Sharron

Mother of a Daughter Experiencing Domestic Violence
by: Kelly Ann Evers

It is so hard to separate yourself from a child's hurt. No matter how hard you try, she is your child, the love of your life. Her hurt is your hurt.

One thing I know is when a mom has suspicions they are usually right. Unfortunately!

I couldn't in all consciousnesses say, "let go and let God." That is not what moms do! We hurt when our children hurt, but, what I can say and what I personally had to do with my son, is pray like crazy.

He was in an abusive relationship and being hurt horribly. How can a mom feel? Hopeless, hurting, guilt. All and more.

The only thing I was able to do was pray. I couldn't step in, I couldn't make it stop, I couldn't get him to leave when I wanted him to. He had to do it on his own.

That took time. More than I wished! But, he is now out and is making better choices -- THANK GOD!

I am so sorry you are going through this, it's painful, very painful.

Thank you for reaching out, that is so good for your emotional health!

Knowing someone is praying for you and knows your pain is sometimes the best medicine!

I am praying!
Kelly

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