Ive tried to leave too many times

by Elizabeth
(IL)

Im so tired. I hope. The kids hope and the same thing happens all over again. I am a CNA and am doing private work right now. It pays good but after the house and everything else I pay, I havent been able to save. When this job is over I will have to get another one, nothing will pay as good as this one.
I'll never make enough to pay rent or live on our own, so what can I do. I get tired of everyone mad cause we are back here. Its dangerous now cause police laugh. So did the judge. They are on his side. They think I'm stupid and I'm enjoying this. Im going crazy. Why cant he just stop drinking. Why can't he love us the way he should. I dont know how that is anyway. To us this is normal.
He doesn't hit me any more. but he's just as bad. I wish he would start again. It hurts less.

Comments for Ive tried to leave too many times

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You are not alone
by: Angie

My heart goes out to you and I can hear your pain through your words. I know the empty feeling and how the memory of the terrible words hurt even after you have left or he is gone. I read and hear so many women say that they left and went back multiple times for different reasons, but I think that empty feeling that you talk about is so overwhelming we talk ourselves into believing the lies. I think that is why there are many resources of wonderful people who understand and do not judge.

All I can say is keep trying and never give up. Find all the support and resources you can and allow God to fill your life with love and support. God will bring to you what you need, just be open to Him and his gifts. Keep the faith!

Alcohol really complicates the entire situation, because for a while I believed that was the root of the problem in my situation. But, I have come to realize that alcohol is simply another complication to the abuse.

Know that there are so many woman who have been where you are and felt what you feel and have gotten out. You are not alone. God bless you and your children.

My head is spinning
by: Anonymous

I read your comment on the referrals. They won't allow my son because he is 14. My kids and I stick together. My oldest is in a mess cause of my bad moving choices now too. My boss said she was gonna see if she can help. Everytime I try to save the money it goes as fast as it comes in. Something happens: a bill, an emergency, something everytime. Seriously! When is some good luck gonna come my way! I'm at work and he calls me drunk, at 3am, to say it. It breaks his heart that I had to spend all the money on a little bill.
Long story short. I had to pay it to get the lights on and it's just a big mess. Anyway, he takes $85 and I get $45, what am I supposed to do with 45 dollars? I have to go to the doctor.
I have to buy groceries. We just went to the food pantry so can't go there tell next week.
He broke his foot and isn't able to work for two months. He's starting to get a little better and now he's drinking again when he promised he wouldn't. I know I know its just another promise...
Lies! But I always count on those lies. My one son always hopes too. We love him so we want to be a family. This is a joke. I dont know what's wrong with me. Im loosing m mind. I want to be strong and make the right decision this time. I cant mess this up. I dont trust myself anymore on what to do. Im so confused.

Don't Give Up You'll Do Fine
by: Melissa

Don't give up, you'll do fine once you get out. I tried about 22 times before I left for good. My friends and family gave up on me so many times. I never thought I could make it on my own.

I had nothing, no money, no job, no nothing, and with the help of this website I figured out how to get out and stay out. Continue to fight for your life. You have so much to live for. There is plenty of resources that can help you. I know if you don't give up you'll find the peace and hope you've been looking for.

Do you have a church that can help you? How about family or friends? There are shelters and many organizations that can help too. I know you can find most of that on this website or you can contact Kelly the founder of His Love Heals, Domestic Violence Help for more resources.


Reply
by: Elizabeth

I have tried shelters... my sons are 8 12 and 14
They can't stay in a shelter with me.. I have called all of them.
So it just isn't an option any more.
Its mostly bad on weekends when he drinks.
I want to leave when its bad and I get hopeful when hes sober. I don't know whats wrong with me. You would think I would quit hopeing by now and move on. You would think I would be so angry and mad. There are other things he does and doesn't have to be drunk.. Like very obsessed with me it seems and who im texting or talking to at times.. i know if I were to say somethng hed be mad.. The only way I know how to live any more is to just do things how he likes them done. My life revolves around him for 22 years. So for it to stop.. I am always lost when I'm not with him. I feel this terrible empty feeling inside... what is that. Why do I feel it every time I've left? Why cant I be happy and be free? I pray for the pain to go away but I have never been gone long enough for it to.
Once I felt free but I went back thnking once again we wouldnt make it with out 2 incomes. Its easier. I have had surgeries in the past and may need another. Who pays the bills when Im doing that or get sick. He wont if Im gone. Not to mention the scared feeling of always watching your back wherever you go who's watching. is someone watching. Im perinoid too now. i dont know who this person is that I've become.

There are Resources for Domestic Violence
by: Kelly Ann Evers

Dear Elizabeth,
You are not alone in your situtation. Many victims of domestic violence have VERY similiar situations. Courts are no help, police laugh or make light of your situation. Fortunately there are plenty of resources for domestic violence.
Keep hoping because together we can find your answers. Below are 3 resources that have the greatest amount of resources to help. If however they do not have anything for you, let me know. I am here to help you!!!

Did you know it take 7-15 times on the average for a victim of domestic violence to finally leave (I personally took about 100 times :). don't worry how long it takes, you WILL be free in no time!) If you are serious about leaving, ask the Lord to help (my prayer team will be praying for you) and He will guide you to the right place.

Have you thought about staying in a battered womens shelter? They can help with all your needs, they will help with work, food, housing, court, anything and everything. You name it, they can help. Battered Women's Shelters are the best for getting the courage to leave and stay away.

Let's start with this, if you need more help, please contact me (Kelly, the Founder of His Love Heals, Domestic Violence Help) use this page or the contact page, I will keep my eyes open for your response.

The Lord bless you and your children -- and I am rooting for you!!!
Kelly Ann Evers
See below for more info:
Additionally,


2-1-1 SOUTHWEST ILLINOIS
Home Page
Search for Community Services
211 Call 2-1-1 from service area
(800) 427-4626 Alternative Number
(314) 421-4636 Alternative Number2-1-1 information and referral service for 9 Illinois counties surrounding St. Louis, Missouri: Calhoun, Clinton, Greene, Jersey, Macoupin, Madison, Monroe, Randolph, St. Clair. (See also 2-1-1 Missouri)UNITED WAY 2-1-1 (CENTRAL ILLINOIS)

Home Page
Search for Community Services
211 Call 2-1-1 from service area
(309) 827-4005 Alternative Number
(800) 570-7284 Alternative NumberInformation and referral service for the following counties in Illinois: DeWitt, Livingston and McLean.UNITED WAY 2-1-1 (QUAD CITIES - IOWA)

Home Page
Search for Community Services
211 Call 2-1-1 from service area
(563) 355-9900 Alternative Number
(888) 680-4636 Alternative Number211 information and referral service for the following counties in Iowa: Clinton, Muscatine, and Scott. Also serves Rock Island County, Illinois.

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