Help! I Don't Know What to Do

by Anna
(California, US)

Hi, Kelly,
I am under a lot of stress. I have been married to an abuser for 15 years. Over the years he has getting more violent. I have no job, no skills, and no way to get out. Where do I start?

Comments for Help! I Don't Know What to Do

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Here is What I Did
by: Tammy

I was in the same situation as you Anna. No job, no skills, no nothing. But I was determined to get out. Everyday I worked at getting job skills. I didn't let my husband know, but I was learning how to type and learned some computer skills. Within one and a half years I was able to go get a good job. I followed the advice on this website on how to leave and the cautions and I was able to leave my husband. It's been 3 years now and although I've struggled some, there is no comparison to what it was like living with him. I feel so good about myself and I am FREE! Anna, don't give up, work a little everyday and in no time you will have the skills to get out.
Tammy
We are Here to Help!
by: Kelly Ann Evers

Dear Anna,
Although you may feel stressed and overwhelmed at this time, it's going to be okay.
That said, because I don't have a complete background on you I will my best to help you... :)
Anna, this is a time for you to make some decisions about what you really want.
Do you want to leave him/her -- really want to leave?
Are you ready to leave?
Are there reasons you need to stay (money, kids, legal situations, etc?) for a little longer or for a couple more years?
What skills do you have?
Is there something you've done (work wise) that you can do now?
Can you start taking classes to get an education or skills?
Do you have friends, family or someone you can live with for a year or two so you can get on your feet?
Do you have money set aside?
How dangerous is the situation you are in? (If you are in grave danger please see our list of Shelters [they can help you with all of the above while you are safe in a women's shelter]).
Have you reviewed our "Help for DV," "DV Safety Plan," and "Our Services?" These are the best places to begin if you are getting ready to leave.
Anna, if you invest just 10-15 minutes a day, to the above questions, you are going to see yourself get stronger and stronger. You will see that you will be able to make it on your own. And you will see that you are worth the investment.
Please keep us up to date with what is going on. If you can answer these questions then we can help you further.
Blessings to you,
Kelly

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