What Should be the Next Step???

by Margit
(New Jersey, US)

I need help with the next step. I have began reading about abuse, this website has helped me tremendously, but I need to know what to do now.

I have about $2000 put away and I have all my documents set aside (as you recommended from "How to Leave an Abuser").

I have took the advice for "Stopping Abuse" and it has worked! I hid a plastic toy shield in the living room and I've run to that spot and when my husband is getting angry, twice he went to hit me, so I grabbed the plastic shield and held it in front of myself. He hit that instead of me. I know this sounds funny but I feel empowered by it.

I don't think I can afford an apartment, they are quite expensive here.

I feel very nervous and am having anxiety attacks, I want to leave quickly but I don't have everything in place.

Kelly: what do you think should be my next step?

I've learned so much from you. Thank you for all you've done. May the Lord bless you, Kelly for giving me a hope for a beautiful future.


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Your Next Step
by: Kelly Ann Evers

Dear Margit,
Without more details about your current situation, I am going to attempt to help ;).
First of all, I left my abuser without ANY of what I am recommending! I have provided these resources so that they will make your transitioning easier, but you do not have to have all your ducks in a row to move out.
You are far ahead of the game, so keep up the good work.
I have a few suggestions:
Do you have a job? Do you have skills?
These will help but it is not necessary if you need to get out immediately.
You can call a domestic violence shelter at any time and they can put you in a safe house and get you into transitional housing.
Please see:
or contact your local "211" either by dialing "2-1-1" on your phone or go to www.211.org for a local one.
or contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−SAFE (7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224.

If you choose to go the shelter route they will help you with the following (below). But if you don't need the services of a shelter maybe these may be your next steps:
Look into finding an attorney that specializes in Domestic Violence.
Look into a restraining order.
Before leaving (if you have children) speak with an attorney who knows the laws in your local area about leaving with the children (the District Attorney can help with that too).
Look into housing that you can afford (without child support).
Look into Med-i-cal help services.
Contact your local District Attorney for their Domestic Violence Help Services.
Continue to save money.
Do you have friends or family that can help you? Do you have someone who can help you get out?
Do you have someone you can live with for a while?
Have you begun a personal journal of the abuse done to you? Do you have pictures? Do you have police reports? (The journal, pictures, reports will help with the restraining order/divorce/legal separation and legal issues.) If you haven't started it yet, you can start today and write what you remember of the past abuses. Write out the situation, dates, times, and anything else you remember (to the best of your knowledge).
Does that help?
Praying for you,

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